Looking for the perfect bagel joke to serve with your morning coffee or share with your brunch crew? Whether you’re a pun enthusiast, a dad-joke connoisseur, or just bagel-obsessed, you’ve landed in the right spot.
This collection of hilarious bagel jokes—ranging from seagulls to sesame seeds—will add a fresh slice of humor to your day.
We’ve toasted up clever puns, absurd setups, and classic groaners, all themed around the humble (and hilarious) bagel.
Scroll down, pick your flavor, and enjoy some doughy laughs!
🐦 Seagull Bagel Joke
- 🐦 Why did the seagull bring a bagel to the beach? Because it wanted everything on the shore!
- 🐦 Seagull walks into a deli and says, “One bagel, please—hold the humans.”
- 🐦 Never feed seagulls bagels… they’ll start calling it seagull brunch!
- 🐦 What’s a seagull’s favorite bagel topping? Anything dropped by tourists!
- 🐦 I tried to eat my bagel on the pier, but a seagull had other plans.
- 🐦 Seagull motto: If it’s round and smells good, it’s mine.
- 🐦 Seagulls and bagels go together like chaos and crumbs.
- 🐦 What’s a seagull’s favorite deli? Bagel Beak’s!
- 🐦 You haven’t lived until you’ve fought a seagull over a sesame bagel.
- 🐦 One seagull to another: “That bagel was fly-tastic!”
- 🐦 What did the seagull say after stealing a bagel? “Worth the dive!”
- 🐦 How do seagulls toast bagels? In the sun!
- 🐦 Seagulls: nature’s bagel critics.
- 🐦 I dropped a bagel—now I have 12 seagull friends.
- 🐦 What do you call a seagull who opens a bagel shop? A bake gull!
🌍 Everything Bagel Joke
- 🌍 I ordered an everything bagel… they brought me the entire deli.
- 🌍 “Everything” on a bagel? That’s ambitious—and messy.
- 🌍 I asked for an everything bagel, but I didn’t expect life’s problems on it.
- 🌍 Everything bagel: because plain is for quitters.
- 🌍 When I want chaos, I choose everything bagel.
- 🌍 An everything bagel is a party with no guest list.
- 🌍 If my personality were a bagel: definitely everything.
- 🌍 What did the bagel say? “I contain multitudes.”
- 🌍 Why did the philosopher love everything bagels? They tasted like existentialism.
- 🌍 You ever stare into an everything bagel and question your life?
- 🌍 Everything bagel: spice, sesame, poppy, and a little regret.
- 🌍 My ex was like an everything bagel—too much going on.
- 🌍 Everything bagels: edible anxiety.
- 🌍 I got an everything bagel and now I need nothing else.
- 🌍 What’s missing from an everything bagel? Your dignity after you eat three.
😐 Plain Bagel Joke
- 😐 I’m not boring, I’m a plain bagel.
- 😐 Plain bagels: for people who fear commitment.
- 😐 Why did the plain bagel get dumped? No flavor.
- 😐 I like my bagels like my jokes—plain and dry.
- 😐 Plain bagel walks into a bar. Bartender says, “You look… undressed.”
- 😐 Some people bring spice to life, others bring plain bagels.
- 😐 What’s a plain bagel’s dream? To be toasted and noticed.
- 😐 My mood today? Plain bagel with no cream cheese.
- 😐 Plain bagels: the white noise of breakfast.
- 😐 I asked for drama and they gave me a plain bagel.
- 😐 Plain bagel says: “Don’t butter me up!”
- 😐 The plain bagel started a self-help group for unflavored carbs.
- 😐 Why don’t plain bagels do well at parties? No toppings, no personality.
- 😐 A plain bagel is just an edible sigh.
- 😐 I tried a plain bagel once—still recovering.
🌱 Poppy Seed Bagel Joke
- 🌱 Poppy seed bagels: because chaos starts small.
- 🌱 I bit into a poppy seed bagel—now I’m seeing stars.
- 🌱 Poppy seeds: nature’s way of saying “gotcha” during drug tests.
- 🌱 My bagel has more poppy seeds than logic.
- 🌱 Why did the poppy seed bagel get arrested? Too suspicious.
- 🌱 Poppy seeds: because your teeth didn’t want to be clean.
- 🌱 What’s worse than stepping on Lego? Biting a poppy seed in a silent room.
- 🌱 I brought a poppy seed bagel to a date—bad move.
- 🌱 That awkward moment when a poppy seed bagel takes over your smile.
- 🌱 Poppy seed bagel: the original mouth glitter.
- 🌱 Why did the poppy seed bagel file a complaint? Overexposed.
- 🌱 Poppy seed bagels—always stuck in your teeth and your past.
- 🌱 Poppy seeds: nature’s seasoning roulette.
- 🌱 A poppy seed bagel a day keeps clean mouths away.
- 🌱 Poppy seeds: proof your bagel went to fashion school.
✡️ Jew Bagel Joke
(All jokes are respectful and rooted in cultural humor.)
- ✡️ What’s a Jewish bagel’s favorite holiday? Yom Crustipur.
- ✡️ My bubbe says a good bagel is more important than a boyfriend.
- ✡️ You know it’s a Jewish deli if the bagel talks back.
- ✡️ What’s a Jew’s favorite bagel topping? Schmear and unsolicited advice.
- ✡️ Bagels are Jewish hugs with a hole.
- ✡️ If it’s not boiled, it’s not a bagel—bubbe’s rule.
- ✡️ Torah, Talmud, and toasted bagels.
- ✡️ You haven’t lived till your rabbi critiques your schmear technique.
- ✡️ Oy vey! This bagel is too chewy.
- ✡️ Jewish bagel joke? It’ll be slightly toasted with a side of guilt.
- ✡️ I don’t do carbs unless they’re Talmud-approved.
- ✡️ Bagels: the original Jewish mood ring.
- ✡️ Bubbe says love is temporary, but a good bagel is forever.
- ✡️ Every bagel has a purpose—even the burnt ones.
- ✡️ Jewish bagels never come plain—they come with heritage.
🏹 Locksley and Bagel Joke
- 🏹 Robin of Locksley stole from the rich and gave them… bagels?
- 🏹 What’s Robin Hood’s breakfast of choice? Everything bagels, equally divided.
- 🏹 Why did the Merry Men switch to bagels? Gluten redistribution!
- 🏹 Sherwood Forest’s #1 bagel spot: The Ye Olde Schmear.
- 🏹 Robin Hood once robbed a bagel cart—it was an act of hunger.
- 🏹 Little John prefers sesame, but only when it’s ethical.
- 🏹 Maid Marian loves bagels—her heart is loxed in.
- 🏹 “Take from the fridge, give to the brunch!”
- 🏹 Nottingham taxes: one bagel per bite.
- 🏹 Why don’t they use arrows? Too many bagel holes to aim through.
- 🏹 Bagels in Sherwood? The original forest carbs.
- 🏹 What’s Hood’s favorite spread? Communal cream cheese.
- 🏹 “Bagel justice for all!”
- 🏹 Friar Tuck opened a deli—Sherwood Schmears.
- 🏹 Robbing kings, toasting rings.
🛫 Flying Bagel Joke
- 🛫 My bagel took flight—should’ve tied it down with lox.
- 🛫 What do you call a bagel that flies? Air-dough-namic!
- 🛫 I tossed a bagel out the window—it circled back.
- 🛫 Why did the bagel get kicked off the plane? Too hole-y.
- 🛫 Pilot: “folks and gentlemen, we’re experiencing bagel turbulence.”
- 🛫 That bagel just hit cruising altitude.
- 🛫 I saw a flying bagel and questioned reality.
- 🛫 Bagels in the sky—brunch just got airborne.
- 🛫 They say pigs can’t fly, but what about bagels?
- 🛫 Flying bagel: proof gluten can defy gravity.
- 🛫 A flying bagel just set off the no-carb alarm.
- 🛫 Bagels in flight—flavor at first class.
- 🛫 The bagel flew past me and whispered “toaster.”
- 🛫 Sky’s the limit for flying carbs.
- 🛫 I ducked. The bagel didn’t.
🐦 Seagul Bagel Joke (alt spelling variation)
- 🐦 Why do seaguls love bagels? They’re shaped like targets.
- 🐦 My bagel is gone—seagul justice.
- 🐦 A seagul stole my lunch, but left the hole.
- 🐦 Seagul motto: bagels first, questions never.
- 🐦 Bagels are round… perfect for mid-air theft.
- 🐦 I offered peace. The seagul wanted bagels.
- 🐦 Don’t trust a seagul with everything bagels—they’re greedy.
- 🐦 Every time I picnic, a seagul gets its wings… and my bagel.
- 🐦 Seagul bagel rule: if you drop it, it’s theirs.
- 🐦 I yelled at a seagul—it dropped a bagel on me.
- 🐦 What do seaguls bring to brunch? Mayhem.
- 🐦 Seagul bagel forecast: 100% chance of theft.
- 🐦 I tried to enjoy a bagel in peace—then came the sky goblins.
- 🐦 Seaguls have refined taste—only fresh-baked.
- 🐦 Why did the seagul return the bagel? Gluten allergy.
✈️ Plane Bagel Joke
- ✈️ Why don’t planes serve bagels? Too much turbulence from the poppy seeds.
- ✈️ Airline bagels: served with a side of altitude.
- ✈️ I brought my bagel on a plane. TSA said “nice taste.”
- ✈️ Bagels fly first class—because they’re round trip only.
- ✈️ Ever eaten a bagel at 30,000 feet? It’s hole-y sacred.
- ✈️ My plain bagel became a plane bagel.
- ✈️ What’s a pilot’s favorite snack? Bagels on a roll.
- ✈️ That plane bagel had more legroom than me.
- ✈️ Airline breakfast: bagel with disappointment.
- ✈️ The in-flight bagel was as dry as the captain’s jokes.
- ✈️ Plane bagels: guaranteed to stay intact through turbulence.
- ✈️ They gave me a bagel and called it a meal—budget airlines.
- ✈️ What’s flatter than a plane bagel? My patience.
- ✈️ Jet fuel or cream cheese? It’s hard to tell sometimes.
- ✈️ In-flight bagel: pressurized and depressingly bland.
🧾 Conclusion
Whether you like your humor toasted, plain, or with a schmear of absurdity, these bagel jokes hit the spot. Share them, laugh out loud, and remember: life’s better with a little doughy comedy!
