Ready to flirt with the edge of humor? These aren’t your typical knock-knock jokes—they’re darker than your ex’s heart and funnier than your therapist’s notes.
Whether you’re laughing to cope or just enjoy comedy that makes others say,
“Too soon,” this is your forbidden buffet of the bleakest, boldest, and most brutally hilarious one-liners the internet has to offer.
Buckle up—these 300+ dark jokes will have you questioning your morals and gasping for air from laughter.
Darkest Joke Ever
😈 A hospice nurse said, “Your dad’s gone.” I asked, “Where?” She said, “Hell probably.”
💀 My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back.
🪦 I have a stepladder. I never knew my real ladder.
⚰️ Why don’t orphans play baseball? Because they don’t know where home is.
😵 What’s the difference between a baby and a watermelon? I wouldn’t let a watermelon rot in my car trunk.
🩸 What’s worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into a dead baby and finding a toe.
🪚 I told my blind friend I was going to describe a rainbow. He said, “Don’t bother, I’ve seen worse.”
🪦 My therapist said I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
🧠 Organ donors are the real MVPs. They give you their heart, even when you break theirs.
🔥 I asked Siri why I’m still single. She turned on the front camera.
⚰️ Grandpa told me to be strong at his funeral. So I bench-pressed the coffin.
🪦 Why did the kid throw his clock out the window? He wanted to kill time.
💣 I told my mom I wanted to be cremated. She said, “Too late, I already burned your dreams.”
🧟♂️ Zombies eat brains. So you’re safe.
😈 I wanted to play hide and seek with my depression. But it always finds me first.
9/11 Darkest Joke
✈️ What’s the difference between 9/11 jokes and pizza? Pizza can’t kill 3,000 people in two hours.
🏙️ Jet fuel can’t melt steel beams—but it sure melted my sense of humor.
🔥 My love life is like 9/11: a hot mess that ended in flames.
🧱 They said never forget… except my ex—she forgot our anniversary.
🚫 The only thing that fell faster than the towers was my GPA.
🗽 If you think your job sucks, imagine being a 9/11 flight instructor.
🧼 9/11 jokes are like soap. Not everyone gets them, but the ones who do are cleaner inside.
📉 My stock portfolio crashed harder than the Twin Towers.
🪂 I joined the Air Force to fly—didn’t know it’d be that literal.
🎯 The terrorists said it was a success. But they never stuck the landing.
🪞 My mirror cracks more than my jokes. Even 9/11 was more reflective.
👔 I wore a tie to a 9/11 memorial. Now they call me ground zero for bad fashion.
🧯 When I hear explosions, I think of fireworks. Not everyone has that luxury.
🪦 My neighbor’s Alexa made a 9/11 joke. Now she’s on a no-fly list.
✈️ You know what’s darker than a 9/11 joke? Making one during a flight safety demo.
The Darkest Joke You Know
⚰️ My grandma died doing what she loved—screaming.
🧠 I told my dad I wanted to be a doctor. He said, “Go practice on your dreams, they’re already dead.”
💀 Why did the orphan get excited about the family tree project? He finally had imaginary parents.
🔥 I called the suicide hotline. They put me on hold.
🧟 I wish my will to live had a kill switch.
🚬 Secondhand smoke kills. So I only smoke near people I hate.
🎭 My therapist asked if I hear voices. I said, “Only when I forget my meds.”
🧃 I gave a kid a Capri Sun. He cried. He was diabetic.
🪦 What’s the hardest part about eating a vegetable? Getting them out of the wheelchair.
🚫 I’m not racist. I hate everyone equally.
🪚 I lost my job at the crematorium for making toast jokes.
🦴 Skeletons don’t go to therapy. They already have no body to talk to.
🕳️ If depression had a mascot, it’d be a black hole with WiFi.
🪓 They say laughter is the best medicine. Not for the guy I stabbed.
🧊 My freezer has more souls than my phonebook.
Darkest Joke Ever Told
💣 My dog ran away. Good thing he was blind—he never saw the car coming.
🧨 Why don’t cemeteries ever get overcrowded? People are dying to get in.
🚫 I had a friend named Hope. Now she’s gone.
🧠 Brain cells: my most endangered species.
🪦 My girlfriend left me because I have no sense of dies in a fire.
🪑 My chair squeaks more than my conscience.
🚽 I named myw. Now she’s crying in the corner.
🧥 I wear all black to funerals—mostly my own inside.
💔 They say heartbreak is emotional. Mine came with a hospital bill.
🔪 I told my boss I’m dying inside. He gave me overtime.
📵 I ghost people so well, I haunt my own conversations.
World’s Darkest Joke
💀 I ran over a kid once. The worst part? I missed the ice cream truck.
⚰️ I told my teacher I wanted to die. He gave me homework instead.
🧸 My teddy bear has more stitches than my emotional wounds.
🧊 I have a cold heart. It’s on ice until someone cares.
🧩 I told my mom I felt broken. She handed me super glue.
🚨 My house has fire alarms. I ignore them like I ignore cries for help.
🚬 Life is short. So I smoke to make it shorter.
🛒 I went shopping for happiness. All I found was expired hope.
🪦 I put the ‘fun’ in ‘funeral’.
🎭 I laugh in serious situations. Especially therapy.
🪓 I used to cut class. Now I just cut emotional ties.
🎯 I joined a dating app. Now I ghost people professionally.
💊 My doctor said I need vitamins. I said, “I need a reason.”
📼 I recorded myself crying. It went viral.
🚬 Depression is a roommate. Never pays rent, but always moves in.
Darkest Joke Ever Made
🪦 My neighbor asked to borrow my shovel. I said, “Sure. Who you burying?”
🎯 I told my mom I was suicidal. She said, “Take out the trash first.”
🧠 My brain has two moods: overthinking or nothing at all.
💣 I got banned from a cemetery for laughing too hard.
🧸 My childhood was like a toy—broken by the time I noticed it.
🧊 The cold never bothered me. It’s my emotional range.
🚫 My life is a joke. Just not a funny one.
🩺 I told the doctor I felt empty. He said, “So does your insurance.”
🪚 I’m not afraid of death. Just the funeral playlist.
📦 I sent my crush a heart emoji. She replied with a restraining order.
🧱 My dreams hit rock bottom. Then kept digging.
🪞 My mirror doesn’t reflect beauty. Just my dad’s disappointment.
💔 Love is blind—and apparently deaf, mute, and illiterate.
🧠 I lost my mind. If found, do not return.
⚰️ The only thing stable in my life is the grave.
The Darkest Joke in History
⚔️ Hitler’s art career bombed—so he bombed the world instead.
📜 History is written by the victors. So is dark humor.
💣 Hiroshima: where a bright idea turned too bright.
🕍 The Crusades: proof that religion and swords don’t mix.
🔪 The French Revolution: where heads rolled, and jokes were guillotined.
🧤 O.J. Simpson: If the glove fits… you still might kill.
🦠 Black Plague parties were the original “drop dead” events.
🎩 Victorian era: where death was fashionable.
🪦 Stalin’s speeches had more applause than survivors.
🧪 Nuclear tests were just fireworks for manipulative.
🧨 Salem witch trials: early cancel culture.
🪓 Vlad the Impaler: history’s sharpest critic.
📯 Titanic band played till the end. Darkest concert ever.
🔬 Mengele: the doctor of death and zero ethics.
🎭 History laughs last—and darkest.
Bob Saget Darkest Joke
🎤 “I had sex with a goat. Just kidding, it was a sheep.”
🎭 “Danny Tanner raised three girls… one emotionally scarred dad at a time.”
💩 “I once farted so hard it blew my soul out.”
🧠 “My brain’s a mess—like Full House with no hugs.”
⚰️ “America’s Funniest Home Videos should be called ‘Here’s Why Grandpa’s in a Coma’.”
🍆 “I dated a girl so ignorant, she thought ‘dyslexia’ was a rapper.”
🎬 “Full House? More like Fool’s House.”
🔞 “My jokes are so dirty, even my soap’s offended.”
💀 “If laughter’s the best medicine, I’m basically euthanasia.”
🧴 “I used to bathe with shampoo and regret.”
🩸 “My humor’s so dark, it has its own funeral playlist.”
📼 “Home videos: where concussions are comedy.”
🍑 “I make jokes so raunchy, porn stars flinch.”
💣 “This isn’t even my darkest joke—I’m saving that for my tombstone.”
🧟 “I came back from the dead to offend one last time.”
Darkest Joke Reddit
🧠 “Reddit: where sanity dies and memes thrive.”
🪦 “A guy on Reddit told me to kill myself. So I blocked him. Then I did it.”
🔞 “NSFW? More like Nuke Safe For Work.”
🧃 “Dark jokes on Reddit are like Capri Sun: sweet, but punctured.”
🚫 “Reddit humor is so dark, it should be moderated by a priest.”
🧱 “My karma’s lower than my standards.”
📡 “Asked Reddit for advice. Got trauma instead.”
🧊 “Every upvote is a cry for help.”
🪓 “Dark jokes? This sub makes the Grim Reaper giggle.”
🩸 “I posted a joke. Reddit said: Too soon. It was about tomorrow.”
🧤 “They say Reddit hugs you with memes. I got strangled by one.”
📱 “Reddit’s version of therapy is sarcasm.”
🎯 “r/darkjokes: where boundaries go to die.”
🎭 “Told a joke too dark? Reddit gave me gold. And trauma.”
💀 “My life’s a repost of bad decisions.”
Conclusion
Dark humor walks the fine line between hilarious and horrifying.
If you laughed, cringed, or questioned your morality—mission accomplished.
These jokes aren’t for everyone, but if you’ve got the stomach for twisted punchlines and inappropriate timing, this collection just might be your kind of therapy.
