Looking to score a laugh as great as a slapshot to the top shelf? Whether you’re a diehard fan, a parent of a mini-mite, or just someone who enjoys a good chuckle at the expense of a puck, you’ve come to the right place.
Our collection of hockey jokes spans everything from clean gags for kids to political punchlines on ice.
These jokes will help lighten up locker rooms, brighten fan chats, and even make you forget about that missed empty net.
Get ready to laugh your pads off—this one’s going to the penalty box for excessive fun!
Tell Me a Hockey Joke
🏒 Why did the hockey player bring string to the game? He wanted to tie the score.
😂 What do hockey players and magicians have in common? They both do hat tricks.
🥅 Why did the puck break up with the stick? It was tired of getting slapped around.
🧊 What do you call a hockey player who cheats? A penalty box regular.
💪 Why was the hockey team so good at math? They always knew how to divide and conquer.
🚨 What’s a hockey player’s favorite drink? Ice tea.
🥶 Why did the goalie go to art school? To learn how to draw a blank.
🔥 What do you call a hot hockey player? A goal-getter.
🎯 How do hockey players stay cool during a game? They sit next to the fans.
🥳 Why was the center so good at parties? He always passed the vibe check.
🛑 Why did the hockey player bring a ladder to practice? To get to the next level.
🙃 What’s a hockey player’s least favorite subject? Penalty math.
🐢 Why do turtles make bad hockey players? They always get iced.
🥽 Why don’t hockey players need glasses? They always keep their eye on the puck.
🌬️ Why was the arena so windy? Too many fans blowing whistles.
Funny Hockey Joke
😂 Why do hockey rinks never get lost? They always have their center ice.
😜 Why did the coach go to jail? For holding!
😅 What’s a hockey player’s favorite kind of music? Heavy slap metal.
😆 Why don’t hockey players ever get in trouble? Because they always stick to the rules.
🎤 Why don’t hockey players make good singers? Because they can’t carry a tune, but they can carry a puck.
🧠 What’s a hockey genius called? A puckademic.
🚪 Why don’t hockey players use doors? They prefer to hit the boards.
🐶 What do you call a dog who plays hockey? A labragoalie.
🪑 Why don’t refs use chairs? They like to make standing calls.
🎓 What did the puck say after graduating? “I’m going places!”
🪖 What do hockey players wear in war? Face-offs and helmets.
👽 Why don’t aliens play hockey? They can’t handle the atmosphere.
💡 Why was the puck so smart? It had a goal-oriented mindset.
🍩 Why do hockey players love donuts? They’re always around the net.
🎮 Why do gamers love hockey? It’s the only sport with real-time stick control.
Hockey Joke for Kids
👶 Why did the little puck cry? It missed its net.
🧒 Why did the stick go to school? To improve its slap shot.
🍬 Why did the hockey player eat candy before the game? For a power play!
🐧 What do you call a penguin who plays hockey? A cool winger.
🌈 Why are goalies like rainbows? They block the sunshine!
🧸 Why do teddy bears make bad hockey players? They’re too soft.
🎒 Why did the hockey kid bring a backpack to the rink? To carry his team!
🐸 What did the frog say after scoring a goal? “Ribbit in the net!”
🦖 Why can’t dinosaurs play hockey? Because they’re all extinct-ers.
🎨 Why did the kid draw a hockey game? Because it was a stick figure artist.
🍦 Why did the hockey kid love the ice rink? Free ice cream feelings!
🪁 What’s a hockey player’s favorite toy? A puck-yo!
🐱 Why don’t cats play hockey? They hate the cold paws.
👻 Why don’t ghosts play hockey? They’re scared of the face-off circle.
🌟 Why do kids love hockey? Because every game is a goal-digger’s dream!
Ice Hockey Joke
🧊 Why don’t ice hockey teams need air conditioning? They’ve got built-in chill.
❄️ What’s the coolest sport on Earth? Ice hockey—literally.
🍦 Why did the ice rink melt? It got roasted by a hockey joke.
⛸️ Why are figure skaters jealous of hockey players? Because they always get ice time.
🚫 Why don’t hockey players wear flip-flops? They prefer frozen toes.
🌡️ Why do ice rinks have thermostats? So the game doesn’t heat up.
🧽 Why do they clean the rink with a Zamboni? Because brooms are for curling.
🍰 What’s an ice hockey player’s favorite dessert? Frozen turnovers.
🧤 Why did the glove quit? It couldn’t handle the cold slap.
🕶️ Why do ice hockey players wear sunglasses? To block the glare of their goal lights.
🥶 What’s colder than a goalie’s stare? Missing the net.
💧 Why did the water quit hockey? Too many freezes.
🚿 Why do hockey players take cold showers? They’re used to icing.
🛷 Why don’t sleds join hockey teams? They’re afraid of getting checked.
🌬️ Why do announcers love hockey? It’s always a chill call.
Kids Hockey Joke
🧒 What do hockey kids eat before games? Slapjacks!
🎈 Why was the goalie holding a balloon? He wanted to block air goals.
🖍️ Why do hockey kids love crayons? To draw their plays.
🪁 Why did the kid bring a kite to the rink? To catch a draft.
🧩 Why is hockey like a puzzle? It’s all about pieces coming together.
🐵 Why don’t monkeys play hockey? Too many penalties for swinging.
🚼 What’s a baby’s favorite hockey move? The crawl-check.
🎮 Why do kids like hockey video games? Because losing doesn’t hurt.
🪄 What’s a kid’s magic hockey word? Go-alakazam!
🎒 Why do hockey kids carry two bags? One for gear, one for snacks.
🧙 Why do kids love goalie masks? Because they look like superheroes.
🦄 What do unicorns say during hockey? “Ice is magic!”
🐤 Why do chicks watch hockey? To learn how to peep-check.
🚲 Why don’t bikes play hockey? No skates.
🍕 What’s a hockey kid’s favorite food? Power-play pizza!
Trudeau’s Hockey Joke Could Prove to Be Costly for Canada
🇨🇦 Why did Trudeau call icing a climate policy? Because he thought it cooled tensions!
😅 What did Trudeau say to the puck? “You’re just skating around the issue.”
🧊 Why did Canada ban slapshots? Trudeau said they were too aggressive for foreign policy.
🪙 Trudeau tried flipping a coin before the game—it landed on carbon tax.
📉 Why did Canada’s hockey rating drop? One too many face-offs in Parliament.
🎤 Trudeau announced his new hockey plan—everyone gets equal puck time!
🏒 Why did Trudeau hold a press conference at center ice? He wanted to address both sides.
🛑 Trudeau tried to ban body checks—said it was political violence.
💬 “We need more time in the penalty box—for reflection,” said Trudeau.
🪩 Trudeau introduced disco hockey—less hitting, more spinning.
🍁 Canada’s new power play? Solar sticks.
📚 Trudeau released a playbook called “How Not to Win on Ice.”
❄️ Trudeau’s campaign slogan: “Cool heads, warm benches.”
🧻 Trudeau’s idea of a puck? A soft tissue.
👔 Why did the coach wear a suit? Trudeau made suits mandatory.
Jesus Hockey Joke
🙏 Why didn’t Jesus play goalie? He never blocked forgiveness.
⛪ What position would Jesus play? Center—he brings everyone together.
😇 Why don’t angels play hockey? Because heaven has no ice.
🌊 Jesus walked on water, but skated like a pro.
🍞 What’s Jesus’ favorite pre-game snack? Loaves and puckfish.
⛸️ What’s Jesus’ skate brand? Miracle Blades.
💡 Why did Jesus get a penalty? Too much light interference.
🌟 Jesus led his team to victory in sudden-death overtime.
🕊️ What’s Jesus’ warm-up song? “Let there be Ice.”
📖 Why did the Bible team always win? Divine defense.
💬 Jesus said, “Let he who has no stick cast the first puck.”
🎯 Jesus was the ultimate goal scorer—he always hit the heart.
😎 Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers… and the referees.”
🚶 Jesus didn’t check opponents—he just turned the other cheek.
✨ Why did Jesus wear #7? For divine completion.
How to Make Soccer Better Hockey Joke
⚽ Add sticks and fewer dives—voilà, hockey!
🥅 Replace goalposts with hockey nets—less crying, more scoring.
🏒 Give Messi a stick—instant winger.
🧊 Play soccer on ice—call it foot-hockey!
🚫 Ban fake injuries—call the hockey ref.
👟 Swap cleats for skates—fast break means fast skate.
🪑 Add a penalty box—teach drama queens a lesson.
🎧 Replace chants with horn blasts.
💥 Introduce body checking—welcome to real sport.
🛷 Make subs slide in.
❄️ Chill the field—cooler heads prevail.
🎯 Change corner kicks to slap passes.
🧢 Require helmets—protect from bad headers.
🥶 Replace grass with frozen turf.
📣 Encourage more fights—at least they’re real.
Trudeau’s Hockey Joke
🇨🇦 Trudeau said, “Icing isn’t just for cake—it’s for diplomacy.”
📉 Canada’s ranking dropped—blame the PM’s five-minute major.
🪩 He proposed “inclusive puck sharing.”
🤦♂️ Suggested penalties be replaced with “time-ins.”
🗳️ Promised to ban cross-checking in politics.
🧊 Said, “Power plays are unfair—share the puck!”
🪖 Trudeau wore a goalie mask to Parliament.
🌍 His foreign policy? “Global stick handling.”
💬 “Every Canadian deserves one goal a game,” he said.
🏒 Appointed a Minister of Faceoffs.
💤 Fell asleep during the first period.
👔 Introduced formalwear Fridays at the rink.
🧽 Proposed Zambonis be eco-electric.
📚 Wrote a book: “Puck Diplomacy 101.”
🥶 Said the real climate threat? Slapshots.
Conclusion
Hockey jokes hit the sweet spot where laughter meets the rink. Whether you’re after clean fun or satirical puck wit, these jokes are a hat trick for humor.
Silva is a humor enthusiast and pun aficionado who loves turning everyday situations into laugh-out-loud moments. With a keen eye for witty wordplay and a knack for relatable jokes, Silva brings a unique, playful perspective to every article. When not crafting clever puns, Silva enjoys exploring pop culture trends and sharing funny anecdotes that brighten readers’ days. Follow Silva’s hilarious adventures and discover endless chuckles at jokesplanets.com.
