Looking for a laugh that’s nuttier than a squirrel’s snack stash? 🐿️🥜 You’ve cracked the right shell!
From to (and every nutty pun in between), we’ve gathered the funniest jokes that are guaranteed to make you giggle.
Whether you’re sharing with friends, dropping puns on social media, or just need a quick mood boost,
these nut jokes are so funny, they’re totally ! 😂
Deez Nut Joke
🤣 Why did the guy name his kids Deez and ?
Because every time he called them, people laughed for no reason!
🤣 Knock knock
Who’s there?
Deez.
Deez who?
Deez , got ’em!
🤣 Girl: “I love intelligent men.”
Boy: “Ever heard of Professor Deez?”
Girl: “Who?”
Boy: “Professor Deez !”
Nut Joke Dirty
😈 What do you call it when a guy trips and lands on his ?
A balls-to-the-wall situation.
😈 What did the girl say when the guy offered her mixed ?
Only if they’re salty and come in pairs.
😈 Ever heard about the guy who kept dropping his ?
Yeah, they said he was a real cashew-ality.
Nut Joke Dirty One Liners
💦 I dropped my … now I’m officially cracked.
💦 Those aren’t almonds, sweetheart, that’s just how I’m built.
💦 Girl, you make me wanna go —literally.
Squirrel Nut Joke
🐿️ Why did the squirrel bring a ladder?
To get to his high-nutrition snack!
🐿️ How do squirrels flirt?
They go, “Hey girl, you make my wild tingle!”
🐿️ What’s a squirrel’s favorite romantic movie?
50 Shades of Nut!
Nut Joke Puns
😂 I’m wildabout you, and I’m not just almond-ing words!
😂 Cashew later, I’m on a snack break.
😂 That’s just plain nutty behavior!
Bus a Nut Joke
🚌 Why did the bus driver stop suddenly?
Someone threatened to “bus a nut” in the back seat!
🚌 Heard about the guy who busted a nut on the bus?
He got expelled from the peanut gallery!
Chest Nut Joke
🔥 Why did the chestnut break up with the walnut?
Because it was tired of getting roasted every Christmas.
🔥 What’s a chestnut’s favorite pickup line?
“Wanna get toasty together?”
Rubber Nut Joke
🛞 What do you call a nut made of rubber?
A Goodyear cashew!
🛞 Why don’t rubber wild argue?
They always bounce back.
How Do You Make a Pistachio Nut Joke
🥜 How do you make a pistachio nut?
Lock it in a room with Deez and tell dirty jokes.
🥜 How do pistachios react to bad jokes?
They crack up… but only when roasted.
15 Nutty Jokes
🥜 Why did the peanut go to jail?
Because it was wild!
🤣 What do you call a nut that sneezes?
A cashew!
😈 Ever met a nut with commitment issues?
He just can’t shell-ter emotions.
🐿️ How do squirrels deal with heartbreak?
They bury their feelings (and their wild).
💦 Don’t talk to me before I’ve had my in the morning.
🔥 roasting, relationships ghosting.
🚌 Never bus a nut on public transit—unless you’re ready for shell-shock.
🛞 Rubber ? Total bounce-backs in bed.
😂 Why was the nut kicked out of comedy school?
Too many cracked jokes!
💦 That’s not sweat… I’m just busting under pressure.
🐿️ A squirrel stole my heart—and my trail mix.
🤣 Cashew on the flip side, pun-lover.
😈 I’m not immature, I’m just nut-focused.
🔥 Hot like , wild like Deez.
🚌 Bus drivers hate nut jokes—they’re always wild the route.
Conclusion
No matter how you like your humor—sweet, salty, or a little on the dirty side—these nut jokes are sure to crack you up. Keep them handy for your next party, awkward silence, or group chat takeover. Just remember: life’s too short not to laugh your off.
