Looking for the funniest vagina jokes that have graced SNL, comedy roasts, and stand-up stages? You’re in the right spot.
Whether it’s a Colin Jost one-liner, a wild Scarlett Johansson moment, or classic Betty White sass, these jokes cover everything from clever wordplay to wild comparisons like the infamous “roast beef” bit.
This collection is designed for comedy lovers who want a laugh without digging through hours of sketches or old stand-up specials.
Just pure, punchy humor with the right dose of cheekiness. Ready for a laugh? Let’s dive in. 😂👇
colin jost vagina joke
😄
- Why did Colin Jost describe the vagina as a political debate? Because everyone has an opinion but no one wants to go in.
- Colin said the vagina is like Times Square—beautiful but full of confused tourists.
- He claimed the vagina is nature’s Rubik’s cube—easy to mess up, impossible to master.
- Said on “Weekend Update”: “The vagina is like a haunted house—enter if you dare, but don’t scream.”
- “You think you understand it, then it surprises you—like my wife’s side of the closet.”
- Vagina: The only place where GPS fails, and no one wants to ask for directions.
- Colin joked it’s like the stock market—risky, volatile, and mostly run by men who don’t get it.
- “It’s the only opening that closes more the more you try to understand it.”
- “Talking about vaginas on SNL is like playing Minesweeper with your career.”
- Compared it to the NYC subway—damp, mysterious, and surprisingly loud.
- “My gynecologist friend says the vagina is like a work of art—hard to explain, easy to ruin.”
- Joked it’s like jury duty—everyone talks about it, no one wants to do it wrong.
- “They say love is found in the heart. I say it’s found somewhere just south of it.”
- Called it “the real Wonder Woman.”
- “The vagina has more security than the White House.”
scarlett johansson vagina joke
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- Scarlett joked: “The vagina isn’t just magical, it’s Marvel-level powerful.”
- “Mine’s got a better security system than my iPhone.”
- “They say Black Widow is deadly—I just wink.”
- “If you want to find it, bring a map, a light, and some respect.”
- “He thought he’d seen it all—till he met me.”
- “My vagina has more plot twists than a Nolan movie.”
- “They said I was intimidating—maybe I just have premium parts.”
- “He wanted a superhero. I gave him a boss level.”
- “It’s not about being tight—it’s about being right.”
- “They tried to cancel me once. My vagina clapped back.”
- “I bring more heat than an Avengers fight scene.”
- “Dating me is like dating your mom’s warning.”
- “If beauty were a weapon, mine would be nuclear.”
- “You think you can handle me? Honey, I handled Thanos.”
- “They asked if I was high maintenance. I said I come with special effects.”
snl vagina joke
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- “The vagina—more confusing than SNL’s plot twists.”
- “Even SNL can’t write better material than a woman’s anatomy.”
- “Vagina: the punchline no one can resist but everyone fears.”
- “SNL writers avoid the vagina like it’s a HR meeting.”
- “The vagina’s been through more sketches than Kenan Thompson.”
- “Every episode has one hidden vagina joke—like an Easter egg in a Marvel movie.”
- “Weekend Update: where vaginas are metaphors, not monologues.”
- “They pitched a whole skit called ‘Vaginal Confusion’—got axed by Standards.”
- “SNL: Sketch, Nerves, and Lube.”
- “Colin Jost’s jokes land, but vagina jokes always hit harder.”
- “A vagina on SNL is a guest star with no screen time.”
- “Live from New York—it’s slightly inappropriate!”
- “They bleeped the word but kept the joke.”
- “Even Alec Baldwin won’t touch this topic.”
- “The vagina got better lighting than half the cast.”
betty white vagina joke
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- “My vagina is older than most of your presidents.”
- “It’s not dry, it’s just seasoned.”
- “Honey, this thing’s seen more action than WWII.”
- “If my vagina could talk, it’d demand royalties.”
- “I may be 90, but my lady garden still blooms.”
- “Back in my day, we called it the forbidden fruit—now it’s just gluten-free.”
- “Golden Girls weren’t just about friendship, you know.”
- “It’s not a wrinkle—it’s a roadmap.”
- “Even at my age, men still salute it.”
- “I once told a man to get lost—and he enjoyed it.”
- “It’s not dusty, it’s vintage.”
- “Every wrinkle has a memory.”
- “If my vagina had a passport, it’d be platinum.”
- “They say age before beauty—I say why not both?”
- “I don’t need Viagra, I am the stimulus.”
scarlett johansson snl vagina joke
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- “I hosted SNL and the script said: be sexy. I brought the whole uterus.”
- “Colin writes the jokes, I just make them seductive.”
- “My vagina has more camera time than half the cast.”
- “It’s the only thing that hasn’t been recast on SNL.”
- “Lorne asked for edge—I gave him curves.”
- “They told me to improvise—I flashed my pelvic power.”
- “SNL stands for Scarlett’s Naughty Lips.”
- “Sketch comedy? More like snatch comedy.”
- “I once acted with my eyes—he remembered my thighs.”
- “Colin got lucky. I got ratings.”
- “Even Kenan asked if it was scripted.”
- “I didn’t break—he did.”
- “That ‘Weekend Update’ had a wet ending.”
- “My sketch had more curves than the cold open.”
- “It’s not method acting—it’s muscle memory.”
roast beef vagina joke
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- “Her vagina looked like it survived a deli war.”
- “More flaps than a broken tent.”
- “Is that roast beef or a secret portal?”
- “Extra meat, hold the mystery.”
- “That thing had its own Arby’s franchise.”
- “He went down and came back with mustard.”
- “It whispered ‘We have the meats.’”
- “So meaty, even vegetarians blushed.”
- “Not a vagina, a buffet.”
- “Even the butcher was confused.”
- “She’s packing a full lunch down there.”
- “Floppier than my grandma’s curtains.”
- “He said ‘Hello?’ It echoed ‘A sandwich?’”
- “You could lose a wallet in that thing.”
- “So beefy, it mooed.”
sarah silverman vagina joke
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- “My vagina’s Jewish, sarcastic, and mildly traumatized.”
- “It’s kosher, but barely.”
- “Not tight—just passive aggressive.”
- “Even my vagina interrupts with a punchline.”
- “It’s had more therapy than me.”
- “If it could tweet, it’d be canceled.”
- “My vagina once dated a guy just to judge him.”
- “It drinks oat milk and critiques porn.”
- “It smells like rebellion and patchouli.”
- “Even my OBGYN says ‘wow.’”
- “It’s like an indie film—confusing but award-worthy.”
- “Sometimes it ghostwrites my jokes.”
- “If it had a job, it’d be a cynical barista.”
- “It bleeds feminism.”
super vagina joke
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- “Faster than a speeding heartbreak.”
- “Can stop bullets—or at least bad pickup lines.”
- “My vagina wears a cape, but only on weekends.”
- “It’s a bird, it’s a plane—it’s pleasure.”
- “This superhero doesn’t need saving.”
- “It’s got more powers than the Avengers.”
- “Even Kryptonite can’t weaken it.”
- “Sidekick? Please, it’s the main character.”
- “Villains disappear inside it.”
- “X-ray vision? No, just intense eye contact.”
- “It has its own theme music.”
- “Flies solo, but never alone.”
- “Not your average origin story.”
- “Leaps bad decisions in a single bound.”
- “Even Marvel took notes.”
funny vagina joke
😂
- “Why did the vagina join stand-up? It had killer timing.”
- “Ever tried finding one in the dark? It’s the real Escape Room.”
- “Vagina: proof God has a sense of humor.”
- “It’s the only part of anatomy with attitude.”
- “Even Alexa doesn’t know where it is.”
- “It’s not a cave—it’s an enigma.”
- “Men fear it. Women own it.”
- “It’s the reason for wars and peace treaties.”
- “It’s like Wi-Fi—when it’s out, everything crashes.”
- “Even Google gets lost in it.”
- “A vagina walks into a bar… everyone shuts up.”
- “It has more secrets than the CIA.”
- “He thought it was a tunnel—turns out it’s a maze.”
- “It’s like a museum—look, don’t touch.”
- “Why did the vagina get promoted? She knew how to close.”
Conclusion
From SNL sketches to Scarlett’s sass and Betty’s boldness, vagina jokes have long been a punchy part of comedy. Whether cheeky, clever, or flat-out wild, these jokes entertain while walking the fine line of outrageous and relatable. Laughter truly is the best way to appreciate anatomy.
