Looking for a good vegan joke that’s funny, family-friendly, and plant-powered? You’ve come to the right garden!
Whether you’re a proud vegan, a curious carnivore, or someone just searching for a laugh at the dinner table, this collection of hilarious vegan jokes hits the spot.
From clever one-liners to cheeky kids’ punchlines and viral moments from TV, we’ve got something to tickle every taste bud.
No animals were harmed in the making of these jokes—just your sense of seriousness. Let’s lettuce laugh out loud and squash any doubts that vegans can’t be funny!
🗣️ How do you know someone is vegan joke
- 🥕 How do you know someone is vegan? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you in the first 5 minutes.
- 🥬 How do you know someone’s vegan? Just wait—they’ll correct your lunch order.
- 🫘 How do you know someone is vegan? They already posted about it on Instagram… twice.
- 🥑 How do you know someone is vegan? They’re the only one reading the ingredient list at a BBQ.
- 🌽 How do you know someone is vegan? Their tote bag has kale on it.
- 🌶️ How do you know someone is vegan? They’ve named their blender.
- 🍠 How do you know someone is vegan? Their car has a bumper sticker that says “Honk if you love hummus.”
- 🥦 How do you know someone is vegan? Their shoes squeak “cruelty-free.”
- 🍅 How do you know someone is vegan? They clap when you say “plant-based.”
- 🧄 How do you know someone is vegan? Their fridge is greener than a rainforest.
- 🥒 How do you know someone is vegan? Their birthday cake was made of lentils.
- 🍄 How do you know someone is vegan? They cried at the vegetable aisle.
- 🌰 How do you know someone is vegan? They brought chia pudding to the office party.
- 🥜 How do you know someone is vegan? Their coffee order contains five adjectives.
- 🥗 How do you know someone is vegan? They turned your BBQ into a TED Talk.
😂 Best vegan joke
- 🥕 I tried to make a vegan stew… but I didn’t carrot all.
- 🥬 What’s a vegan’s favorite horror movie? The Silence of the Yams.
- 🫘 I used to be a butcher, but I couldn’t make the cut—so I went vegan.
- 🥑 Why did the tofu cross the road? To prove it wasn’t chicken.
- 🌽 Did you hear about the vegan rapper? He dropped the beet.
- 🌶️ I met a vegan magician once—he pulled a cauliflower out of his hat.
- 🍠 What do vegans eat at a barbecue? Everyone’s patience.
- 🥦 My vegan friend said she had beef with me. Isn’t that against her diet?
- 🍅 How do vegans flirt? With veggie pickup lines like “Are you made of soy? Because I’m soy into you.”
- 🧄 I went on a date with a vegan—it was a raw experience.
- 🥒 Why don’t vegans argue? They don’t want any beef.
- 🍄 Did you hear the joke about the vegan zombie? “Graaaaains…”
- 🌰 What’s a vegan’s favorite holiday? Tofu-rkey Day.
- 🥜 My vegan friend started a punk band called “No Whey!”
- 🥗 What do you call a vegan who eats meat in secret? A seitanist.
😄 Funny vegan joke
- 🥕 I asked a vegan what they ate for breakfast—just a bowl of judgment.
- 🥬 Ever seen a vegan dance? It’s mostly interpretive hummus.
- 🫘 Why did the vegan cross the playground? To get to the kale side.
- 🥑 Being vegan is a huge missed steak.
- 🌽 I told my vegan friend a joke. They said it was un-beet-able.
- 🌶️ What do you call a vegan who lifts weights? A plant-based hulk.
- 🍠 Why was the vegan chef always calm? Because they had inner peas.
- 🥦 I’m not saying my friend is a preachy vegan, but she named her dog “Tofu.”
- 🍅 What’s a vegan’s favorite band? Red Hot Chili Peppers… but cruelty-free.
- 🧄 How do vegans feel about garlic? They clove it.
- 🥒 Why do vegans never get lost? They follow the grain path.
- 🍄 I went vegan for a week. I got hungry and attacked a breadstick.
- 🌰 Vegans can’t keep secrets—they always spill the beans.
- 🥜 Why did the vegan quit dating? Too many meatheads.
- 🥗 What did the vegan say after their joke bombed? “It’s an acquired taste.”
🧍♂️ How do you know if someone is vegan joke
- 🥕 How do you know if someone is vegan? They’ll tell you before the handshake.
- 🥬 How do you know someone’s vegan? They brought their own avocado to brunch.
- 🫘 How do you know if someone is vegan? Their Wi-Fi name is “PlantPowered.”
- 🥑 How do you know someone’s vegan? Their dog eats lentils too.
- 🌽 How do you know if someone is vegan? They whisper “namaste” before biting a cucumber.
- 🌶️ How do you know someone is vegan? They wear hemp socks to CrossFit.
- 🍠 How do you know if someone is vegan? They’re allergic to fun-sized Snickers.
- 🥦 How do you know someone is vegan? Their resume says “activist (part-time).”
- 🍅 How do you know if someone is vegan? Their kitchen smells like kale and ambition.
- 🧄 How do you know someone is vegan? They refer to bacon as “death strips.”
- 🥒 How do you know someone is vegan? Their picnic basket has quinoa, not hot dogs.
- 🍄 How do you know if someone is vegan? They cried when you used real butter.
- 🌰 How do you know someone is vegan? They said no to pizza night.
- 🥜 How do you know someone is vegan? Their smoothie is green, chunky, and proud.
- 🥗 How do you know if someone is vegan? They introduced themselves with their dietary restriction.
🇦🇺 Aussie kid vegan joke
- 🥕 Why did the Aussie kid go vegan? To keep the koalas company.
- 🥬 Aussie kid: “Mum, if I eat tofu, will I start hopping like a kangaroo?”
- 🫘 What’s an Aussie vegan’s fave snack? Vegemite on chia toast.
- 🥑 “No steak, mate—I’m plant-powered now!”
- 🌽 Why did the Aussie vegan bring a salad to school? Because “meat pies are crook.”
- 🌶️ Aussie kid: “I don’t eat animals, but I do wrestle crocs.”
- 🍠 What do Aussie vegans say? “Avocardio, mate!”
- 🥦 Aussie vegan kids: Proud members of the Snack Vegemite Army.
- 🍅 Why don’t Aussie vegans do sausage sizzles? Too many “snags,” not enough lentils.
- 🧄 Aussie kid: “Mum, this garlic bread doesn’t have cheese, but it still bangs!”
- 🥒 Aussie vegan’s lunchbox: hummus, carrot sticks, and a mini surfboard.
- 🍄 “Oi, teacher, this mushroom’s got more protein than your steak!”
- 🌰 Aussie vegan motto: “Kale yeah!”
- 🥜 What do Aussie vegan kids sing? “Waltzing Matilda with a side of chickpeas.”
- 🥗 Aussie school rule: No meat? No worries!
🧒 Little kid vegan joke
- 🥕 “If broccoli were candy, I’d still be sad.”
- 🥬 Little vegan: “I only eat green stuff, and jelly beans.”
- 🫘 “Mom says I can’t eat burgers—so I made one from beans. Tastes like school.”
- 🥑 “I’m vegan. That means I’m better than my dog.”
- 🌽 “Corn is cool until it gets stuck in your teeth.”
- 🌶️ “I put hot sauce on my carrots—now they’re superheroes.”
- 🍠 “Sweet potatoes make me run fast. Probably.”
- 🥦 “Mom packed broccoli again. She doesn’t love me.”
- 🍅 “Tomatoes are fruits, but they act like vegetables. They’re impostors.”
- 🧄 “Garlic makes me cry… even when I’m not chopping it.”
- 🥒 “Pickles are weird cucumbers with anxiety.”
- 🍄 “Mushrooms are umbrellas for ants.”
- 🌰 “Nuts are snacks from trees.”
- 🥜 “I traded my peanut butter sandwich for silence.”
- 🥗 “Salad is a jungle with dressing.”
📺 Kid tells vegan joke on TV
- 🥕 “Why did the tofu get rejected? Because it was too soft—just like me!”
- 🥬 “I told my dog I was vegan. He looked disappointed.”
- 🫘 “What do you call beans that work out? Legumes of steel.”
- 🥑 “I told my crush I’m vegan. They said, ‘You’re nutty.’”
- 🌽 “Knock knock—who’s there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in, it’s cold and I brought kale.”
- 🌶️ “What did the pepper say to the vegan? You’re one hot tamale!”
- 🍠 “TV dinners aren’t vegan. Neither is this joke.”
- 🥦 “Why did I go vegan? Because I got grounded for eating pizza.”
- 🍅 “My mom’s vegan. Our fridge is now a garden.”
- 🧄 “Garlic is spicy air.”
- 🥒 “Cucumbers are pickles waiting to happen.”
- 🍄 “Don’t trust mushrooms. They live in the dark.”
- 🌰 “Cashews are nuts that can’t commit.”
- 🥜 “Peanut butter is glue for grownups.”
- 🥗 “I told a vegan joke on TV… and now I’m grounded.”
🎤 Vegan joke Today Show
- 🥕 “A vegan walks into the Today Show… and brings kale for everyone.”
- 🥬 “Vegan on TV: ‘I don’t eat meat, but I do throw shade.’”
- 🫘 “The Today Show asked for a recipe—I gave them lentil loaf and a sense of humor.”
- 🥑 “Savannah tried my avocado brownies. Still not speaking to me.”
- 🌽 “Hoda’s face when she tasted tofu: priceless.”
- 🌶️ “I made vegan chili. Everyone cried. From sadness.”
- 🍠 “Today Show tip: Don’t microwave sweet potatoes on air.”
- 🥦 “I brought a kale bouquet instead of flowers.”
- 🍅 “Tomatoes exploded in segment three. Vegan chaos.”
- 🧄 “Al Roker said garlic breath was a side effect of loving me.”
- 🥒 “They called my salad ‘bold.’ I think that was a compliment.”
- 🍄 “Mushrooms took over the whole counter. True stars.”
- 🌰 “I taught Carson Daly how to make nut milk. Regret level: 10.”
- 🥜 “The peanut butter segment was sticky but sincere.”
- 🥗 “My vegan joke got more laughs than my lentils.”
🌱 Conclusion
Whether you’re vegan, vegan-curious, or just here for the punchlines, we hope this veggie-fueled comedy garden gave you a full plate of laughter. Remember, humor—like tofu—soaks up the flavor you give it. Keep it light, keep it kind, and never underestimate the power of a perfectly timed vegan joke.
